I was diagnosed with bipolar at the tender age of sixteen and since then have been put on the best part of the whole medicine trolley. Starting off with carbamazapine, six years of lithium, and most recently lamotrigine with a sprinkling of numerous anti psychotics, and during the worst peroids of hospilizations the lethal depot injections. To put it mildly I could quite easily quizz the medical students on medication to help them with their exams.
However like most manic depressives I could not stand to take the medication leaving me on the bitter cycle of stopping and starting, relapsing and an nine month unsuccessful period of no medication. It is indeed hard to come to terms with a mental illness lable especially with the taboo and prejudice surrounding it never mind the harsh reality of having to take medication for the rest of your life.
The truth for me was the most productive stable and happiest time of my life coincided with a span of six years on lithium, 1200 mgs relapse free. I was so well that I felt certain that I could live my life without it, believing that I had illegal drug induced bipolar. However, after a three year nightmare of stubborn denial I had to come to terms with the fact that I had severe heridatary bipolar.
Two of three people have at least one close relative with bipolar making the genetic factor quite strong. Incidentally, substance abuse to bring one out of depression or pull one out of mania is also common in bipolar clouding the diagnosis further and is known as self-medicating. Some manic depressives will sware by marijuana as a helpful substance to mellow out and take the edge of a manic high but it is also commonly known to cause psychosis.
Personally, substance abuse played a large part in triggering my predisposition to bipolar and having learnt my lesson the hard way i have stopped smoking the green weed or taking any drugs. At the age of thirty three I have had six hospilizations lasting three months at a time, mostly triggered by a combination of stopping medication and in turn self medicating with illegal drugs.
I’ve seriously fought medication but now I realize I’ve got to take it, dammit!
-Kim
